Funny summary of Neverwinter Campaigns (spoilers?)

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Posts: 317

Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:23 pm  

I really enjoyed the top response to this request for a summary of the campaigns.

Shitty TL;DR of all modules
Vanilla: Valindra and her dracolich attack Neverwinter, player levels to 60, Azharzel get's killed by adventurers in CN.
Gauntylgrym Patch: Luskan Corsairs and Delzoun Dorfs fight for gauntylgrym, adventurers happily kill Dueregars (and each other in pvp).
Mod1: Fury of the Feywild: Portal to Feywild shows up, Valindra and Malabog band together, another dragon shows up just to get killed by adventurers in MC.
Mod2: Shadowmantle: Thayans found big-ass old dragon bones in Dread Ring, Valindra tries to turn them into dracolich, adventures stop her, chase her to VT and force to retreat into her phylactery (where she remains to this day).
Mod3: Curse of Icewind Dale: Akar Kessel and weird Black Ice suddenly appear, Ten Towners and Luskan Mages smell money and fight for black ice, adventures happily kill everything (and each other in pvp).
Mod4: Tyranny of Dragons: Severin and his Cult of the Dragon show up and try to collect 5 masks of dragon kind or smth.
Mod5: Rise of Tiamat: Turns out the masks were important, Severin summons Tiamat from hell, adventurers banish Tiamat.
Mod6: Elemental Evil: Four elemental cults and their leaders show up, adventurers are too busy leveling to 70.
Mod7: Strongholds: A bunch of people with no names show up to give your guild a stronghold, have fun repairing it .
Mod8: Underdark: Gromph Beanre screws up so demon princes are free to roam our world. Drizzt and co, together with adventurers force Demogorgon to retreat.
Mod9: The Maze Engine: Baphomet wants Maze Engine, gets killed by adventurers. Orcus wants to make CN his home, gets killed by adventurers.
Mod10: Storm King's Thunder: Jarl Storvald looks for Ring of Winter so he can become immortal, Drufi finds it on Fangbreaker Island, Makos dies like a 6k IL scrub.
Mod10.5: Sea of Moving Ice: Adventurers learn how to fish and kill Jarl Storvald in their free time.
Mod11: The Cloaked Ascendancy: Bunch of Wizards show up and try to open portal Far Realm, adventurers stop them and reclaim River District in their free time.
Mod12: Tomb of Annihilation: People who got resurrected get sick, adventures go on a holidays to Jurassic Park.

I also liked this one:
Vanilla: The part where controllers were needed. Mod1:The part where gardening was supposed to drive back armies. Mod2:The part where everyone wanted to get the Dread Legion weapons. Mod3:The part where we had to feed our armor. Mod4: The part where we figured out our weapons get more effective if we feed them junk. Mod5: The part where we go shopping at Tiamart. Mod6: What adventurers? Half of them cried "screw you guys, I'm going home" while the other half were dying to statistics. Mod7: Some magical chest monster ate a castle, you need to feed it junk so the magical chest craps out the pieces of the castle it ate. Mod8: The part where that Demogorgon guy taunts you with double offense slot rings. Mod9: That part where our mounts turned into Pokemans (gotta catch em all!) Mod10: We didn't have 6k Ilvl, it was 4k max at the time, remember? Mod10.5: The part where people wearing heavy plate armor or holy symbols got annoyed to death. Mod11:What is this "eclaiming" of the River District? Did you mean that we passed out eclairs to everyone? Mod12:If we went to Jurassic Park, y we no bring guns?

If anyone wants a serious response, the Forgotten Realms Wiki has done a great job of summarizing the game.
Dagdra Deepforge: Dwarven Cleric
Garla Shieldbreaker: Half-Orc Great Weapon Fighter
Zendra Soulseeker: Moon Elf Warlock
Jalazea Shieldborn: Tiefling Paladin
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Posts: 50

Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:28 pm  

I love this summary :lol: :lol:
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

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